Talking to myself

Talking to myself very awkwardly i realize boy! You are ......... (still looking for a word)............
damn it!
i got to start all over again.

I lived a day in a dream. A dream where i was old. Old enough to call myself really old.
I feel fine. i do. no kidding. Feel a bit heavy on my buttocks but then guess i am old.
I am resting on a chair and i feel good but a little heavy inside. but! Am i really old?
I opened my eyes but they tricked me. i looked around and it was a beautiful day again.
I could feel the misty morning wind flirting with my ears and sway over the neck again.
I was missing something. smell? touch? a ......? a desire? passion? love? No idea again.
A mystery surrounded the heart. I gave it a thought but then it just mocks me every time.
A feeling took my eyes across the porch behind the tulips and the mystery unlocks in time.
A woman just made my heart skip its beat again. I have fallen for this smile every time.
A game i have played everyday with myself from the past 40 years. She wins it every time.
A tear rolled down my eye and i felt something. i seem to be good at it. lose Every time!
A moment i spent celebrating her win again and i feel weird now? something is wrong....

The next moment i woke up i was in my room and realized i was dreaming. i can still feel it.
i have always felt like this but never thought about it. why do i feel the very same now?
i know it now. i will never be complete without you. I still fall for your smile every time.
Talking to myself very awkwardly i realize boy! You are .........

Not again.....